February should only have 13 days

Thanks to Kaleb Baker for that thought. Well, yesterday was Valentines Day, as most everyone is aware of. I suppose it's the day that secret attractions are revealed, when the nervous guy finally gets up the gumption to tell the beautiful (hopefully single) girl that he likes her a lot, and wants to know if she would like to get all dressed up and go some place nice and be treated like a queen for an evening. Of course she accepts (whether she likes him or not; I mean, how can you turn down the royal treatment?) and the poor sap thinks that she actually enjoys his company and that he might have a chance at romancing her and winning her heart, when you and I both know she's just in it for the Outback (or fast food Japanese, if you're cheap like me).

I guess it's really not as bad as the picture I just painted, but Valentines Day does make me think about what love is really supposed to look like. It has crossed my mind (and I have no way to substantiate this claim) that maybe, just maybe, some people go through the whole infernal flirting/attraction/dating/obsession process because they're lonely. I mean, I sure do catch myself in that state every now and then. I guess it's human tendency to want to fill a void in our heart with relationships. Some of us even go so far as to use a relationship to anesthetize the pain and hurt of past relationships gone wrong, or to validate us when we need assurance of what we're worth. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that kind of motivation is misguided and selfish, and that almost every one of us has been guilty of this in the past (or maybe in the present). Unfortunately most of us are blinded to ourselves when we're in this kind of state; we are so enamored with the feelings that romance brings that we don't take the time to step back and see how self-centered our intentions are in dating (Somewhere, someone wise said that love is not self-seeking...).

I think I can sum up the problem with the majority of dating relationships in this one statement; most people are in a relationship for what they can get from someone, not for what they have to give to someone. Real love or affection or care for someone is manifested in selfless actions, commitment to their needs as being more important than your own. I think we confuse romance with love. You can manufacture the feelings and butterflies and weak knees of romance with practically anyone; one only has to know how to pack a good picnic lunch and compliment well. A book of good poetry doesn't hurt either. Love, on the other hand, requires a willingness to set aside the desire for the validation and attention we all crave at times, and to serve someone else, sometimes at the expense of our own feelings. As one of the great songwriters of our generation put it,

"Now love is not a feeling in your chest;
It is bending down to wash another's feet
It is faithful when the sun is in the west and in the east
It can hurt you as it holds you in its overwhelming flood
'Til only the unshakeable is left
'This new command I give you', he said 'Love as I have loved'
So brother, love her better than yourself, and give her your heart..."
-Andrew Peterson, "For The Love Of God"

The bottom line is, most of us are looking for the wrong thing. We are searching for our own fulfillment when we should be waiting for someone to come along whom we can pour our life and love out on. I'm trying to remember to look for someone who I will respect and appreciate, with whom I can find true companionship. Someone who will walk beside me as I try to keep up with Jesus, who will shoulder life's troubles and trudge along at a steady pace, with words of encouragement. Someone who will look at me and not pretend to see perfection (haha, not that anyone has or would, but you know what I'm driving at), instead seeing all my flaws in their ugliness and make up their mind to deal with them anyways. In the end, I guess I'm looking for the proverbial friend who loves at all times.

Still another problem exists. Momma always told me that life is like.......no, wait; that's not it =) (by the way, goofiness is one of the aforementioned qualities/imperfections my wife will either have to appreciate or get over). Momma always told me that I should focus on being the right person more than trying to find the right person. Most of us, even if our intentions in seeking out a relationship are noble, never step back and look at ourselves to see if we are worth being loved like we would want to be. I know this is excessively true in my own life. I am far too preoccupied with "sizing up" girls to even stop and consider whether I am the kind of man that the kind of woman I want to marry is going to need. We would all do ourselves a big favor just to step back and evaluate where we're at with this.

Okay, this has been preposterously long and cliche'. But it's been bugging me lately, and has been fanned to flame by a conversation with my buddy Taco this afternoon. I promise not everything on here will be this silly. Adios amigos.